I have counseled married people for quite some time now, some of them still in marriage, and some out of marriage. These two categories of married people have different explanations to give for a wrong marriage decision (obviously).
My Last post on Marital Entropy might be good for you too.
Whether you are here to read as an intending husband or wife, or you are already married and feeling unsatisfied with your present marriage and also unsure if you married the wrong person, this blog post is simply for you.
One of the things we try to achieve on counsellorshive apart from rendering free online counselling, is also to try to help remedy already bad cases through genuine and compassionate counselling.
In this post, therefore, I will outline the 10 Painful Signs that suggest you made A Wrong Marriage Decision Plus some of the practical steps you can take to correct the wrong decision.
Let’s Dive right in.
10 Signs Of A Wrong Marriage Decision
1. You Have Scanty Conversations.
One of the big reasons people get married is to find someone they can converse with. In fact, people marry because they need companions i.e. they are tired of boredom.
You might need to review your marriage or simply agree that you made a wrong marriage decision if you constantly have little or nothing to talk about in the house.
2. You Fight and Often disagree On Trivial Things.
In one of my articles titled Marital Entropy Meaning, Causes, And Proven Solution, I opined that starting on your wedding day, your marriage will begin a slow downward slide—that is, unless you take action. This means that it is normal when you quarrel with your spouse at the beginning of the marriage because of the truth, you are both still getting to understand and familiarize yourself.
However, it will be out of place to say that quarreling, fighting, and disagreement on a continuous basis and over trivial matters is normal. When this is experienced over time, it might be a sign that you have made a wrong marriage decision.
In marriage, there are so many things that are too trivial to trigger disagreements such as:
- Bad sleeping posture
- Use of tooth paste
- The way and manner your toilet soap is used.
- Different church attendance/ Going to different worship centers
- Your wife’s menstrual cramp
- The use of Toilet and toilet gadgets
The list goes on. None of the items mentioned above suggests that you have made a wrong decision in marriage
3. Continuous Dishonesty.
There should be no reason under the sun why your partner should be dishonest to you. Your partner should find you the best friend and confider.
When you begin to discover your partner is being insincere in everything they say, and you have caught them repeating it time and again, that is a sign of a wrong marriage decision.
Sincerity to your partner is the foundation of any marriage. It determines the openness in the union and maintains the balance between partners. In the case where you continue to lie to your partner and even cook up a justification to shield big issues that have something to do with infidelity, how you spent your joint money, then it is time to take a closer look at your marriage.
4. You Feel Comfortable Being Alone.
One of the major reasons for getting married after procreation and compatibility is companionship. If you’re married and you feel more comfortable being alone than with your spouse, it is very much possible you have made a wrong marriage decision. Something is really not alright if you continue to feel at peace being alone and not with your spouse.
Loneliness sets in when you are wrongfully married, and if you choose to still remain faithful to your partner, then you may discover that you are more comfortable when you are in your own company (Being alone). My Post on Marital Entropy Meaning, Causes, And Proven Solution will help you understand why you may have found yourself in this situation.
Buy & Read This Book: 6 Secrets To A Lasting Love…Dr. Garry & Barbara Roseberge.
5. Marital Infidelity.
You may need to reassess your reason for getting into the marriage when you find yourself cheating on your spouse or when you discovered your spouse has been cheating on you.
Infidelity In Marriage is one of the most controversial yet the most unavoidable sign that indicates that you made a wrong marriage decision and that you may need help. While I agree that We are all emotional beings and we tend to seek love in everything, however, if you begin to seek love from someone else other than your own spouse, then you already know what mess you are in.
6. You Are Always Feeling Sad.
We all crave for that word “Happily ever after”, but candidly, reality has no place for fairy tales and we must always learn to accept the bitter truth. Sadness or the feeling of being unhappy is not unusual in our everyday life, but if you’re married and you cannot still seem to find joy in your partner, then that’s a sign you made a wrong marriage decision and that should ordinarily worry you. What may have seemed like a dream marriage, in the beginning, might now be a nightmare you wish to get over with. If this is your case, then you should seek advice from a trained Marriage counselor and try to get to the root of the problem.
7. Conflicting Priorities.
You suddenly discovered that you both find it difficult to reach a common ground or maybe you simply have conflicting interests. While he loves to watch a game, you prefer to never join him in the game, rather you prefer to watch a movie.
Apart from the above example, there are many important decisions you need to take together such as decisions on finances, career goals, or even a choice of overseas study. If the both of you are not on the same page when it comes to prioritizing these life plans, that alone signals a wrong marriage decision.
8. Married Because Of Money.
Most people make this singular mistake of marrying someone because of how much they currently earn. While this is most common with females, it is not also uncommon with male folks.
Nothing lasts forever, including the present income. If your marriage to someone was because they had fat incomes, then you have got to be ready to accommodate your spouse should anything happens to their finance.
9. Lingering Addiction & Abuse.
Abuse and lingering addiction on the part of either the husband or wife is a big sign that you are into a wrong marriage.
Many persons get caught in the web of addiction long before they got married, and in a situation where this act is not stopped even after marrying, then that is never a good marriage builder.
I counseled a newly-married lady who looked physically tired of her wedding just because the husband wouldn’t stop masturbating. Her husband feels more satisfied masturbating than having sex with her. This is a sign she married wrong.
Abuse on the other hand is also a serious sign of a wrong marriage decision. It is never a good thing to abuse your spouse either emotionally or physically.
10. Family Arrangement
It is not uncommon to see parents who arrange the union of their children with children of friends or close business associates. Although one might argue that this is really rare nowadays, we can never rule out the fact that things like this still happen in a modern age like ours.
If your union was arranged by your parents, chances are you have married wrongly. This is because you were never given the freedom to choose whom you had loved to share your life with.
Other signs that may suggest that you have made a mistake in your marriage decision might include:
Married A Workaholic.
While it is not a crime to attend to one’s career in order to be contributive to the family, it is not really going to lead you anywhere nice when you dedicate more attention and time to your career than your family.
Is It Normal To Regret Marriage?
Yes, it is absolutely normal to regret your marriage. From my years of counselling married people, I have realized that feelings of regret can occur for many reasons. Some of these reasons are – Not sharing the same interest with your spouse and expecting a rosy marriage.
What To Do When You Regret Getting Married?
In the preceding paragraphs, I will outline some of the things you should consider doing when you regret ever getting married. This not excusing marital resentments or even divorce, it is meant for advice purpose alone.
1. Try Understanding What Regret Actually Means.
In my years of practicing as a counsellor, from listening to many of my clients, I can categorically say a vast majority of them lack basic knowledge of what regret actually means.
While regret in marriage might mean different things in different scenarios, it will be nice to define regret based on the peculiarity of your current challenge.
2. Be Careful Who You Talk To.
At every critical time in your marriage, you may need to simply keep quiet rather than talking. Your family issues are meant for your family and never to be shared recklessly with a third person.
At this critical time in your marriage, few persons are to be trusted with such vital information.
3. Be Intentional About Getting Your Marrital Challenges Solved.
You will need to really mean to get your marital challenge solved. It is never enough to regret a wrong marriage decision, it is also very worthy to want to get a solution to it. With this comes the decision to seek the help of a trained professional.
4. See A Trained Counsellor.
it is actually a good thing to do when you see a trained marriage counsellor. We offer free online counselling you may contact us to get assigned to a marriage counsellor today.
5. Revisit Your Marrital Vows.
While many married people soon “forget” about the marriage vows they made to themselves, it is very important to constantly revisit those vows in order to sail through some marital storms.
So far, I have tried to outline the 10 Painful Signs that show you made a wrong marriage decision plus possible corrections to these mistakes.
Simply let me know your thoughts in the comment section below.