Thinking of how to stop being jealous in a relationship and living a happy and healthy life? You are lucky to find this article here on Counsellorshive. Do Ensure you read to the end because I have outlined 10 Step-By-Step tips on how to stop being jealous in a relationship.
Let me begin by saying that I total agree with you on any reason you might have for being jealous in your present relationship, after all, it takes an act of courage to see your partner in an intimate conversation with another person from the opposite sex either physically or on the phone or worst still, showing some elements of affection to them at the expense of your needs for this same affection.
In my years of marriage counselling, I have realized that jealousy in a relationship can actually be solved if only people know the main reasons why they became jealous in the first place. Primarily, there are usually two main Causes I have always attributed to jealousy in a relationship, and I will quickly explain them below:
2 Main Causes Of Jealousy In A Relationship.
- People lack a good knowledge of whom they truly are. Surprised? Many persons I have had the opportunity of counselling have this same problem, and it leads to jealousy. Usually, they think their partner’s love means something about whom they really are.
It is ridiculous to see people’s moods change simply because a partner smiled at them, bought them a gift or on the other hand, didn’t call them, didn’t appreciate their look. - Peaple are quick to conclude they won’t be happy anymore if a relationship is ended. If you are really serious to learn how to stop being jealous in a relationship, then you have got to dropped this belief. Only you can make yourself happy and not your partner.
In the preceding paragraph, I will be outlining 10 step-by-step Tips on how to stop being jealous in a relationship.
So if you are really serious about mastering your psychology and creating an extraordinary life for yourself, then Let’s get into this quickly.
How To Stop Being Jealous In A Relationship.
1. Understand You Are Worth Something.
This is usually my first advice to jealous partners. Jealousy usually begins from entrusting your joy into material or immaterial things other people can shower on you. For example, when they shift their love away from you to another person or thing, you will definitely become jealous because you have grown to accept the love as a definer of whom you are.
Another example is when they stop buying you those things they buy for you when they are coming home, and rather choose to buy them for someone else, you immediately begin to nurse jealousy within.
Anyone can choose to love people they wish. Anyone can buy things for people they have thoughts of even though they appear to be in a relationship. The only way to never let anyone’s behaviour push you into becoming jealous is simply to come to the realization (Ahead of time) that you are worth something with or without anyone’s show of affection or gifts.
2. Understand that Love Is Imaginary.
One of the biggest reasons people feel jealous in a relationship is because they assume their partner loves them. No one wants to admit that love is simply imaginary. We can not touch love, we only feel it is there and that is what makes it imaginary.
If you are really serious about learning how to stop being jealous in a relationship, then you have got to learn to better appreciate things you can see and touch such as your belongings, your job/career.
So whether your partner truly loves you or not, the only thing that matters is recognizing that who you are has nothing to do with whether they love you or not. With this knowledge, you are sure to overcome being jealous in your relationship.
To stop being jealous, you need not convince yourself further that your partner loves you. You simply have to realize that you are a good person whether or not they love you.
3. Stop Feeling Anxious About Losing Your Partner.
I have had to speak with few young people in a relationship, and every time I counsel them, I hear words like: I don’t want to lose him/her, he/she means everything to me.
Is this a good enough reason to become jealous in your relationship? Absolutely No.
The truth is, there is never a more worthy thing in Life you don’t want to miss, and that is Happiness and peace of mind.
It’s okay to lose a partner or a relationship, but not your peace of mind or your Happiness.
People are jealous in a relationship simply because they do not want to lose their partner. Well, I had rather lose my partner and relationship altogether than lose my peace of mind and happiness. So if you are ever going to learn how to stop being jealous in a relationship, you should be ready to lose your darest partner in any relationship.
4. Be Convinced That Jealousy Is an Ego Game
This is a realization you must get to if you are going to stop being jealous in a relationship. Jealousy is an internal problem, and you will be well on your way out of it if you do not allow your ego to make you feel it is an external problem.
Simply put, your ego is playing pranks on you. When your ego gets out of the way, your mind begins to make suggestions to you such as He/she fancies other people more than me, he/she does not love me anymore, maybe I am actually not lovable, maybe I am a little too short for his/her liking, maybe I don’t have the things he desires in a partner.
5. You Will Never Build A Healthy Relationship By Being Jealous.
When you finally realize that you will never build a great relationship now or in the future, then that is when you have become ready to stop being jealous.
Nobody Builds a great relationship, become a great leader or even win in Life by being Jealous.
It doesn’t really matter if your partner is really doing those things for which you are jealous, what is most important is; you are never going to build a healthy relationship now (if you finally decide to stay) or in the future (if you decide to walk away) simply by being jealous.
6. Believe Your Partner.
Hard as it may feel especially when you have had the experience of being cheated on, you may never have any other option than to simply believe in your partner if you will ever be free from jealousy.
Take your partner at his or her word. If you eventually discover they have been lying to you, it is never your fault, it is theirs. You only took them at their words and that means they are making a fool out of themself and not you.
Trite as ait may feel, your pathway toward fredom from the shackles of jealousy might be simply trusting your partner.
You have got to stop checking to see if your partner is where they say they are. If your partner says he/she loves you, believe it, after all, they will be making a fool of themselves if they mean otherwise.
7. Stop Comparing Yourself To Others.
It is common sense to stop comparing yourself with others. In his 1987 novel, Stephen Kings says that that jealousy occurs between rivals. You do not want to find yourself in the rival game with anyone, do you?
The Bible made it really clear in 2nd Corinthians 10:12
For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.
Maybe you are wondering how your partner could ever love another person even though they are shorter than yourself, lacking money when you have enough to spare, looking less beautiful, well, you have got to stop making such comparisons and simply be yourself at least for the sake of your personal happiness and peace of mind which is the ultimate.
Talking about the spiritual cure of the root of jealousy, you may need to be thankful to God for his provisions in your life including the beautiful things he has adorned you with. You may also carefully study the book of James 3:16:
For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work.
8. Find Out If Your Partner Is Only Playing Games.
It is so bad to know that some persons are only provoking their partners to jealousy. First, you must try as much as possible never to provoke your partner to jealousy. In order to stop being jealous in a relationship yourself, you might need to make efforts to find out if your partner is simply playing tricks on you.
Sometimes people get unduly close to others or give undue attention to people of the opposite sex simply because they want to provoke their partners to jealousy.
9. Don’t Retaliate.
Sometimes you may feel tempted to retaliate by making moves to make your partner jealous too. While you may think this will make you feel better, it is actually a bad move to make as it will never be beneficial to both of you.
Going out of your way to talk about your past lovers, flirting around with the opposite sex in front of your partner, saying how attractive your boss and colleagues are because you want to arouse jealousy in your partner will only demean you.
10. Stop Trusting Your Imagination So Well.
Whether your partner came back from work later than you expected, that is not the reason you must begin to paint negative images about why they got home late.
Stop imagining your man seeing a beautiful lady that works with him in the office or a tall and handsome guy whom your saw having a chat with your wife a day before. That will only sap you out or worst still, your jealous attitude will make your partner defensive and that will spell doom for your relationship.
When you stop getting emotional simply because you have painted a bad image in your heart about what your partner is currently doing, you are simply taking a giant step towards gaining control of jealousy
11. Use Your Imagination To Feel Better.
All you need to do here is simply close your eyes, relax, and take a deep breath. Begin to imagine the different scenarios that make you currently jealous: Is it seeing your partner talking with the opposite sex? or showing more attention and care for them?
Try to relax different parts of your body. Now, try to reimagine yourself looking calm and relaxed and feeling disinterested in any of such situations.
In life, we only have ourself to answer to, and we can only truly control ourself and not others.
So, if you are truly ready to learn how to stop being jealous in a relationship as a girlfriend or you want to learn how to stop being jealous as a boyfriend, this article on how to stop being jealous in a relationship will be a great deal of help to you.
So Is jealousy OK In A relationship?
Yes. Jealousy is ok in a relationship but too much of it is unhealthy for the relationship. Jealousy is simply one of the acceptable ways to communicate your complete desire, need or love for someone or something, and also a way to show that you do not want to lose them.
Is Jealousy A Mental illness?
Not all jealousy is a resultant effect of a mental illness. Only Pathological jealousy which is also known as morbid jealousy or delusional jealousy is deemed a mental illness. This jealousy is one in which a person is preoccupied with the thought that their partner is being unfaithful without tenable proof to back it.
What Books Do I Recommend?
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So far, I have tried to outline 11 Painless tips on how to stop being jealous in a relationship. Simply let me know what you feel about any of the points mentioned above in the comment section below.
